Today I’m grateful for my ability to think.
I was really wondering tonight if it’s worth it to continue with this. I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it, if I should continue to write, day in and day out, what I’m grateful for.
I decided that I won’t really know unless I finish what I’ve started here. Otherwise I won’t know if it was worth it or not.
So today what I’m grateful for is the ability to make that decision.
[This is entry 32 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful that I didn’t smoke a cigarette, even though I desperately wanted one.
Maybe I’ll write more about it another time, but for now, I’m just going to bed… smoke free.
[This is entry 31 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful that I’m finally able to be on the giving end when people need something.
For much of my life, I was the taker. Not that I ever gave anything, but because of my depression and acting out in my addictions, much of the time I was the one who needed something: a place to stay, a ride somewhere, a job…
Tonight, I gave a woman a ride home from work, because her car took a dive earlier today. No, not that amazing of a thing to do. Except as Tracy pointed out as I was trying to figure out what to write tonight, it sure is something to be grateful for – the ability and the desire to help people who need it.
That’s pretty cool.
[This is entry 30 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for the freedom that exists on the Internet.
The ability of people worldwide (hell… countrywide, statewide, citywide) to communicate has never been easier. We can share information at a rate that was unheard of only a few decades ago. And that’s only because of the Internet, and the freedom of that information to move across it.
That freedom is currently being threatened by the people who (supposedly) represent me (us, if you are an American) in Washington. There are two bills in the works – The PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate, and the Stop Online Privacy Act (SOPA) in the House of Representatives.
My main objections to both of these bills are that they completely circumvent due process, and that they are the equivalent of using a nuclear bomb to blow up a bank that is being robbed. The bills don’t just target the criminals – when the bank of information is blown up, plenty of innocents are going to be harmed in the process.
If I’m truly grateful for something, I’ll want to protect it. Gratitude can be expressed as an emotion, but it is also expressed in action.
If Internet freedom is something that you value as well, I’d encourage you to put your action where you gratitude is.
Educate yourself about the bills, and do what you can. One of the best resources I’ve found for both information and activism is http://americancensorship.org/. Of course, a good old fashioned Google search produces some good results as well. Update 1/17/11 – my new pick for the best resource when it comes to SOPA/PIPA information and activism is Reddit’s /r/SOPA.
[This is entry 29 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for the little space heater that I have in my office.
This little puppy is powerful! It was an awesome gift from Tracy, and it sure makes it comfortable in here when it starts to get chilly in the evenings and early mornings.
Pretty freaking amazing, huh? All I’ve gotta do is plug this thing into the wall, flip a switch, and I’ve got something going that just a couple of hundred years ago the richest people on earth couldn’t have had.
How the hell did I get so lucky?
[This is entry 28 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for this quote from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” that I came across in GetMotivated:
“Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual. . . . Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude – the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.”
[This is entry 27 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for acceptance.
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned while reading “The Mindful Way Through Depression” is the idea of accepting and paying attention to my emotions as they are in the moment.
And the line from it that I’m most grateful for is “It’s OK… it’s already here” when I find myself starting to fight a negative emotion.
I first learned about acceptance as a principle from AA, and while I no longer attend meetings, it is something that’s stuck with me. While I don’t buy into the idea that it’s “the answer to all of our problems” (something that is often quoted in the rooms), it sure as hell is the start of finding an answer.
But my emotions… those were things that I never wanted to accept. I had to fight them, suppress them, hide them. Because they are just too unpredictable. Too painful. Too human.
(I’ll give the Trekkies out there one guess at who my favorite character from the original series is.)
On my journey toward accepting that I’m human who has both “good” and “bad” feelings a few ideas have come up that have helped me.
One that learned from Buddhism (I believe it was in one of the Dalai Lama‘s books) was to stop labeling them good and bad. Going with labels like “helpful” or “unhelpful” takes some of the sting of judgement out of it. Of course, one can label them whatever one wants – if one is just changing the name, but still judging the unhelpful one’s as bad, that doesn’t do much good, does it?
I think it was from David Rock, possibly in the Google Tech Talk on his book “Your Brain at Work”, that I first learned of the idea of labeling emotions (there’s anger, there’s happiness, there’s sadness, there’s depression, there’s craving) without the need to either act out on the emotion or repressing it.
And this latest thought of, after labeling it, saying “It’s OK, it’s already here” seems to be helping as well.
So overall, I guess I’m grateful that I can now accept, examine, feel, and let go of emotions before they grow so strong that they destroy me.
[This is entry 26 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful that I don’t have to control everything.
Yesterday, I wrote that the freedom that I’m grateful for starts with the control of what goes on between my ears.
One thing that I don’t have to worry about controlling is initial thoughts. Those thoughts that seem to come from nowhere.
Those, I don’t need to control. What I need and want to control is my reaction to them.
But it’s OK for them to come, no matter what they are. It’s good to know that I don’t have to control them.
[This is entry 25 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for my freedom.
Not the “proud to be an American” kind of freedom (which I’m also grateful for). Today I’m thinking more of my freedom to think.
Physical freedom is an extension of that, but my psychological/mental freedom is where it all comes from. The more I’m able to choose what goes on what goes on between my ears, the more free I am.
One of the aspects of being free to choose what goes on in my head has to do with controlling it.
“Whoa, hold on there, fella! I thought you were grateful for freedom, not control?”
I suppose I’m grateful for both. I almost didn’t write the part about the control, because I don’t want to be misunderstood. I’m not one of those idiots who believes that we protect our freedoms by restricting them (I’m looking at you, TSA). Any form of other imposed control that is not 100% agreed to not freedom, it’s slavery.
But self-imposed, internal control does allow for more freedom – because it allows for expanded choices. Including the choice not to exercise that control.
The more I practice meditation, the more I exercise, the more I learn… the more freedom I have.
[This is entry 24 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
Today I’m grateful for my atheism.
Sounds a little strange, huh? The idea that I’m grateful for not believing in something?
If I’d never had the belief, and then were suddenly grateful for not believing it, it would be silly. When the belief is responsible for much of the fear, anger, confusion, and depression in my life, it makes much more sense to be grateful that I’ve let it go.
My former belief in an omnipotent, omniscient, eternal being who was judging me and willing to allow me to suffer for eternity for being the very thing that he supposedly created… well, let’s just say that it wasn’t working for me anymore.
But that’s not why I’m an atheist. If there was any evidence for an omnipotent, omniscient, eternal being who was judging me and willing to allow me to suffer for eternity for being the very thing he supposedly created, then I wouldn’t be an atheist. I would believe, and the instant someone is able to prove to me that such a being does exist, I will believe again, whether that belief “works for me” or not.
By dropping the belief, I’m finally free. I no longer have to bounce from belief system to belief system, no longer have to worry about finding the truth through following the correct interpretation of a multitude of conflicting revelations that are only shown to a select few.
I can look at evidence, weigh the credibility of those who tell me things that I don’t have personal, direct evidence for, and make up my own mind.
It’s been a much better way to live.
[This is entry 23 of 365 of Operation Gratitude]
